We won't sleep together?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
