White coat. Heels.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
