Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
