In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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