we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
