there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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