dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
