Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
