I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
