I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
