I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
