i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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