Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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