No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
