I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I deserve this hangover.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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