He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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