just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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