If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
