You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
