And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
love makes seman taste better
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
