Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
