ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
did you just send me my own nude
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
