Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
