my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
