Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
