i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
