i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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