My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
