I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
