tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
