so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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