you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
there is puke in my bra ... again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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