I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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