Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
