You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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