why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
