just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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