The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
