you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
