First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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