A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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