Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
