Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
