Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
