i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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