If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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