I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
