Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
