Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
