why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
